You wake up feeling unwell, with a slight headache, but it’s not strong enough to keep you in bed and away from work. As you shower, you realize what’s happening: your stomach hurts, you’re bloated, and your body has the “normal” swelling of that time of the month…
On a scale from 1 to 10, let’s say you’re at an 8. So, you look for clothes that are somewhat loose and comfortable, something that won’t press against your stomach and, ideally, feels like you’re wearing pajamas – because, honestly, that’s what you really feel like doing.
But no, you get dressed, fix yourself up, put on your heels, grab your bag, and head to work, trying to “put on your best face.”
Once you get to work, the colleague who knows you well immediately says: “Got your period, huh?” And you roll your eyes.
It might seem funny, but it’s not. This situation has happened to me hundreds of times in my life, and I’m sure it’s something many of us have experienced, month after month.
As the years went by and as a spokesperson for gender equality, I now ask myself: Why do we continue normalizing the need to act as if nothing is wrong at work when we’re physically unwell?
Yes, the answers are often:
- “How can you say you’re on your period? That’s personal.”
- “Don’t show you’re ‘hormonal,’ because they won’t take you seriously.”
- “We don’t bring up personal women’s stuff at work.”
- “You see, having men in those positions is better.”
- “It’s not that serious, having stomach cramps.”
I’m sure many of these phrases come to mind as you read this, as they’ve probably been said to you or you’ve thought them yourself.
While progress is significant on the road to gender equality, it’s been slow, step by step. Still, substantial wins are in areas like access to education, economic empowerment, women’s participation in politics, wage gap reduction, and equality of opportunity. Of course, there are still many areas where we need to break these molds and create spaces where we feel treated with respect, equality, and consideration. Consideration because we are human, because we can’t concentrate the same when we’re physically feeling unwell, because we shouldn’t be ridiculed at work for being “hormonal,” because we shouldn’t suffer discrimination for having a natural, beautiful condition like menstruation.
The narrative must change because, as human beings, we experience physical pain naturally, we get sick, etc., and we shouldn’t have to pretend nothing’s wrong when what we really want is to stay in bed with some pain relief.
It has become so normalized that it goes unnoticed in our daily lives by both women and men.
The normalization of our menstrual pain is so normalized that it feels as if we, as women, erase that part of ourselves and only focus on the other roles we juggle like: mother, wife, leader, professional, student, etc.
We learned from our mothers and grandma to endure, to stay quiet, to pretend, not to complain, not to be emotional – because all of that is associated with being the “weaker sex.”
In many cases, these unconscious patterns prevent us from seeing ourselves as wonderful human beings. Women are blessed to have the ability to regenerate every month, aligning with the cycle of life, the moon, and Mother Earth.
As Miranda Gray explains in her book Red Moon: Using the Creative, Sexual, and Spiritual Power of the Menstrual Cycle, she offers a series of ideas and concepts to help women understand and honor their menstrual cycle. Gray suggests that the menstrual cycle is not just a biological process but a source of creative, sexual, and spiritual power for women. Instead of being seen as a burden or nuisance, the menstrual cycle should be celebrated as a source of energy and wisdom.
So, we need to do some deep internal work, starting with identifying the phrases we tell ourselves, often filled with negativity or annoyance, and reframing them with positive and empowering thoughts. These actions will help us connect more deeply with ourselves. We should celebrate each month, honoring our menstrual cycle to build a greater connection with our essence and the universe.
When it begins to happen with each woman, and then on a larger scale, our collective level will rise, and we will begin to have different kinds of conversations, new perspectives, and, of course, a new kind of society.
It will then be allowed and normalized for a woman to say in a meeting that she’s stepping out because her stomach hurts. Or she decides to stay home because she’s experiencing discomfort and needs to care for herself. As author Christiane Northrup suggests in her book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, she discusses the importance of self-care and self-awareness. Northrup tells us that we have to listen to our bodies, understand our symptoms, and adopt healthy practices to promote our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. In other words, instead of denying ourselves and pretending nothing’s wrong, we must become aware, listen to our bodies, and raise our voices to set boundaries with our surroundings and care for ourselves.
When I say setting boundaries, I mean being aware when the “protector” role leads us to neglect ourselves. With the right considerations, of course. But if you have a healthy partner at home, why not ask them to cook, pick up the kids, or walk the dog when you’re really feeling unwell?
When I say setting boundaries, I mean being able to say that you’ll attend meetings from home or won’t attend because you’re unwell. Setting boundaries means listening to yourself. It means showing your boss that it’s acceptable to express that you’re not feeling well and that you must take care of yourself, just as she should. Setting boundaries also means confronting those negative comments you hear at work, like, “Ugh, the boss is hormonal; better stay away.” The road to gender equity will continue to take time and daily effort, which involves becoming more conscious, loving ourselves more, taking better care of ourselves, and accepting ourselves more. We can and must continue relearning, with compassion and patience, to educate both men and women in new spaces of equality.
