I was talking with one of my mentees, whom I’ve supported in her development over the years. She told me about her professional goals for the coming year, including preparing herself to take the next leap in her career within a year. I listened, asked questions, and we ended the conversation. But one question kept resonating in my mind once again: Why do we women set such low expectations for our careers? Why do we always think we need 100% of the skills to raise our hand for that position?
Once again, I saw this limiting barrier in the mind of a brilliant woman and an extraordinary human being. And this doesn’t just happen with my mentee; I’ve seen dozens and dozens of women throughout my career exhibiting the same behavioral pattern. I have had this pattern many times.
Here’s the underlying issue:
- We set non-challenging expectations for our careers.
- We don’t believe we’re fully prepared for what we have or want to do.
Let me share how I addressed these two issues from my personal experience and the support I provided to many other women in their development.
The issue of setting challenging career goals isn’t because we’re incapable or unclear about what we want in the long term. Many women know what they want to achieve in the long term. However, I can say that a high percentage of us aren’t as clear about what we want to do and by when. Instead, we tend to leave it in the hands of the company or what our boss thinks is best for us. I’ve seen this countless times. We need to work on that mental barrier, a product of the social issues we’ve inherited, that we still need to shed to dare to DESIGN the future we want for ourselves.
Yes, we need to leave behind the laziness of not dedicating the necessary time to 1) REFLECT and think about what we truly want, what purpose we’re not yet living, and what we enjoy doing. It’s about daring to dream without limits and painting on a blank canvas everything we want for ourselves. Women often overlook that simple first step. The second step is developing our ambition. One of the definitions the Royal Spanish Academy gives for ambition is “a thing that is desired with intensity,” that burning desire to achieve something.
Socially, ambition is associated with men, and it’s well-accepted for a man to be ambitious, wanting the best for his development, surpassing himself, achieving wealth, and wanting the best for his family. But women are not associated with this term in the same way; it can be seen even as a negative trait for a woman. This is totally wrong, women! Yes, we can have ambition. Yes, we can desire what we want with intensity and do whatever is necessary to achieve it. We need to start practicing more ambition in our daily lives, without limits, to desire the best for ourselves (I want to clarify that this should always be within the framework that our well-being does not come at the expense of others).
The third step, once we’ve given ourselves space to reflect on what we want and our purpose and practiced ambition to design in detail and abundance what we want, is to Declare it. Declaring is not just writing it down on paper and posting it on our goal board; it is essential and valid for the following daily work. In addition, it’s crucial to communicate your expectations to your boss, mentors, and the senior leadership who make decisions. How do you do this? Those one-on-one meetings often happen once a year with your boss, your mentors, or any sponsors you have in the organization. I say one meeting as a minimum, but you should clearly and frequently communicate those expectations, seeking opportunities to create connections and, most importantly, ASK THEM how they can help you achieve what you want. This question is crucial for us women to practice. For example, in that conversation with your boss, you say: “I ask you, boss, how can you help me achieve my career goal?” And there, you might experience an overwhelming silence! To see how that response flows, and believe me, you can be surprised by excellent answers.
So, women, let’s set high expectations for our careers or businesses, high expectations to feel treated with respect, like queens, high expectations to be loved, and so on in all areas of life.
These expectations are also deeply connected to the belief of “not feeling prepared enough for…” It happens repeatedly, even in my work as a coach with high-performing women leaders. This belief shows up, maybe not in their professional lives but certainly in their personal ones. It’s a gender issue and faulty cultural patterns passed down from generation to generation, from our great-grandmothers, and while there is a lot of progress, there’s still a long way to go.
Why? Because changes in thought patterns don’t happen overnight. As with everything in life, to evolve, the first step is awareness – to recognize what we think and, consequently, put into practice in our lives. Not feeling enough is something I’ve worked on for years, from my self-love as a woman, daughter, mother, and wife to my professional life. Can it change? Of course, it can! Start by identifying when and in what situations or with which people this limiting belief appears in your mind. Ask yourself powerful questions that lead you to know yourself better: Where does this belief come from? Who did I learn it from?
Many times, just that is enough. But it’s not enough in other cases, and Women might need additional tools. For example, professional help, therapy, and coaching. Other tools might include reading books that provide more understanding or being part of a supportive circle of friends who help you in this process. It’s crucial to have patience and respect for each individual’s personal journey in working through those limiting beliefs.
Did you know that 95% of men apply for a new position even when they often don’t meet 50% of the requirements? Imagine that! Meanwhile, women only apply when they believe they meet 95% of the requirements. It’s time for us to unleash the bravery and inner strength we have within us.
It’s time for us to summon that bravery, that powerful inner strength to say YES! I can do this, I’m going to go for it, I’m ready for that new role, without fear, and with the certainty that WITH WHO I AM, I AM ENOUGH!
Ivett Casanova
